I got this from here. I guess it’s a quite useful for us in maintaining our marriage. The tips are written from someone who has been married for 40 years. MasyaALLAH, that was a long marriage. As we know recently there are so many news relating to divorcing among couples in Malaysia. I believe only us, the couple, who could handle or keep our relationship last forever. Some points that are interesting include stop nagging (well female always do this, but please stop it if you want your partner live for a long time) and start saving…there are more tips, do read it.
Forty years of marriage is no big deal to most couples. Many of them are able to keep their marriage vow ’till death do us part’. We have gone through our partnership in life not without trials and tribulations. There are many happy moments, there are also many critical and stressful situations but with the eternal strength endowed by our Almighty Creator we able to weather the storms with strong faith in Allah SWT.The eeman and taqwa have bound us strongly in union of marriage.
There are no hidden secrets in remaining married. It is just the will and determination of each partner to remain married. The most essential component is sincerity and honesty towards each other as this is the basic foundation of mutual trust. Basing on my own personal experience on many occasions rumours were circulating that I had a second wife because someone was seeing me togather or talking to beautiful women at hotel lobby or other public places. Just by seeing me with a woman , rumour will start spreading. Of course I must admit that I was talking with so and so because they were either my patients or admirers asking about woman problem. I am a gynecologist who used to appear frequently in TV and other media talking about woman health. Naturally women would like to talk to me to relate to their own problems. The rumours will reach my own brothers, sisters, cousins and my own wife. But my wife had trust in me and she asked me if the rumour true. I reassured her and told her ‘Allah SWT is my witness and I do not cheat on you’. She believed me and trusted me and so the rumours died of natural death. I was sincere and honest to her and I am still is.
Control your Anger and be Forgiving
Allah SWT commands us to do good deeds and avoid sins, control our anger and be forgiving, Insha Allah we will be rewarded Jannah/Heaven. If we uphold these principles in our marital relationship, we will be rewarded with everlasting happiness. I always run away whenever my wife raises her tone, no point going into an arguement. Nobody wins and it sours relationship. Go away for while to cool off or just keep your mouth shut. Sometimes you may have a partner who always think that he or she is right and seldom accept your point of view. You lose nothing by yielding but if you allow anger to control you , the consequence can be catastrophic.
Control Greed and Lust
These are basic instincts and are important for survival but can be detrimental if not properly controlled. Greed is more applicable to material wealth whilst lust might be more appropriate for excessive love for power , women and sex. In trying to achieve wealth, power and women the greed and lust may drive us to crimes, sins and bad deeds. I must admit that I not spared from greed and lust ; they always there in us; they are the driving force, the movers of our efforts that contribute to my success. However, very often I have to draw the line using my will and determination, my iman and self discipline to prevent greed and lust from destroying me, my marriage and family.
Saving all the way to Wealth.
There is no such thing as ‘get rich quick’ , and yet this phenomenon is very endemic among young people irrespective of race and religion. I am very proud that my wife is excellent insaving money and this has contributed to our ‘financial independent’ status now. We have been strict on spending especially for unneccessary luxury or branded items and we did not resort to loan or borrowing except for purchase of properties.
We invested a lot in properties since I started work in 1970 and now I am selling some of them with good profits from capital appreciation. I like to advise young people who already started work to start investing part of their income in properties. Start slowly and within your affordability and get long term bank loan. From small investment you can progress to a bigger one after 5 years. Insya Allah you will not go wrong in property investment, and choose good and strategic location.
Saving for Retirement
We started saving for our retirement soon after starting work in Muar , Johore. I opened an investment account in Bank Rakyat and put in my money , in small amount regularly since 1972. At the same time my wife and I started to open saving account in Tabung Haji, also depositing small amount on money regularly. When the national investment scheme (ASB) was stared in 80’s we also opened investments accounts and put in money regularly.
When I decided to quit government service after 19 years of dedicated service for private practice,I was told that I got nothing. no pension and no EPF. Many of my friends persuaded me not to quit but wait until I qualify for pension. I was 44 years them, meaning I have to wait 6 years to be eligible. I said Tawakkal ala Allah and I decided to save every months part of my income in those investments I mentioned above and by Grace of Allah , my Creator , my Sustainer , the Most Merciful and the Most Generous. I am now very happy to be in the state of financial independent. Even if I quit practice now, Insya Allah my wife and I will be comfortable without asking for assistance from our children.
What ‘Financial Independence’ mean to us
I am sure there are many rich people who are not concerned about this, some of them are filthy rich that their wealth can last for 3-7 generations. I am not concerned if their wealth are accumulated through hard work and clean business, but if they accumulated thru illgotten means I have no respect for them. For an average person like you and me being independent financially once you reach retiring age is indeed a great achievement. For instance now we can travel anywhere, anytime and any place , or buy things we want or eat out at any restaurant without having to check your bank account and without feeling guilty about it, after all we have worked very hard before and now we are reaping the harvest. After the age of 60, we are expected to allocate more funds for health care as we are more prone to ill health.
Do not be arrogant and ‘show off’
Allah SWT is angered by those who are arrogant, either by their attitude, words or actions. Money , position , power and knowledge usually make people arrogant. Remember everything you have or you own are on lease or loan from Allah. He can take away all those any time He likes. It is just like you put your money in the bank, you can withdraw any time , it is yours. Similarly all those wealth, status and position, power and knowledge belong to Allah .
Be humble and stoop down, you lose nothing, you tend to lose more by being arrogant. Do not walk with nose up or talk with ‘big’ , Allah regard these people like donkeys. You will be accepted by people from all walks of life if you are humble and unassuming. Unfortunately we encounter more and more arrogant people especially when driving on the road. It is a very bad attribute for acountry trying to achieve developed status.
No Nagging, no moan and groan.
It has been shown by many studies when one member constantly nag, the other spouse will die earlier from heart attack. Nagging will inflict stress to our partner and this habit is predorminant among wives for reasons I do not fully understand. Stop nagging if you wish your partner to live longer. But if you wish otherwise , so carry on doing it but don’t be surprise if the effect is the opposite.